You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
