Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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