so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
