4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
