walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just gift wrapped bread.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
