sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
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There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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