Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize