i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
