i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
