A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
