Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
