when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
