i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize