i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
