her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
