just come out here and I will go home with you...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
