A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
