pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
