Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
