JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
