I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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