Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
