Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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