Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And the cops told us we were all naked.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
