Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
