I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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