Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage