Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.