and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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