Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in