I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
