Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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