I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm like, not good at living.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
