so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
