Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just invented taco cereal.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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