I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
