if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
