you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
