I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
