Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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