Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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