EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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