Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
