He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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