i can't believe i had my finger in that
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
