Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
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If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
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I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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