I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
