A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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