angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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