I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
