I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
