The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
