it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
