I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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