I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Randomize
