Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
