I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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