That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
