Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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