So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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