How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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