my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
