Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
