he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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